i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
