do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
