I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
