The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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