I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
