my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
