They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dear god my vagina.
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