I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
