Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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