I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i came on her dog
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
