i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ruined the universe
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
