its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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