so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
