Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
