i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
