ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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