It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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