so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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