"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
