He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
