I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
