I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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