You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
