i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
