You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
