Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm too high and old for this...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
