Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
