so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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