so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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