It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
