You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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