oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
