Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
