Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
