Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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