i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
