I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
