If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
vagina is talking i cant
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
