Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
