it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
