Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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