oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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