we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
