I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
