peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
