I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
