Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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