i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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