Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
