I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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