i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
