Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
