My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
