I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
