so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
