Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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